Lost & Found

 

  
LOST & FOUND

In her first book, writer Melanie Lutz takes readers on a spiritual journey of self discovery in a written self portrait of a year spent starting over after divorce. Melanie shares her story of walking out of her life, waking up to herself, and how she learned to love letting go.


Excerpt from the book..

 I was afraid. I was afraid I would die again. I had leapt off the cliff to end my relationship, and I would need to do it again and probably again.

 I was afraid to speak as though it were my life I was living. I was afraid to live my life outside of the judgmental observationalist I had become. I was afraid if people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me. I was afraid to lose anymore friends. I had set up an invisible bodyguard determined to protect me. This bodyguard distorted everything, clouded the connectors, questioned my perceptions, muffled my intuition, and misdirected my mojo.

It was once
Then not again
My hopes at finding such
Lies within
Never once and never more
Does one so sweet
And sorrowful soar

Lights started to flicker in the distance. I saw something. It resonated. It didn’t last long enough to be recognized and then it faded.

I wouldn’t let it go. I looked closer.

A flash. A moment. Your heart knows.

My way of being in the world was flawed. Long ago I had lost touch with my inner everything. I would need to reclaim it.

I knew how far I would need to go to reclaim my voice. I knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant, but I also knew, I could do it. It was me, after all. The grief and the growth and the grasping would be good things. 

Johann Wolfgang Goethe said it best.

And so long as you haven't experienced this
to die and so to grow,
you are only a troubled guest
on the dark earth.

I didn’t want to be a troubled guest anymore. I could die and grow like the best of them. I could redo myself. I could find a way to listen to my heart’s symphony, to hear that faraway aria through the distracting cries. I’ll meet myself on the other side of this new death. I could practice another way of being in the world.

What was lost could be found. David Whyte hit it hard.

The day I saw beneath dark clouds
the passing light over the water
and I heard the voice of the world speak out,
I knew then, life is no passing memory of what has been
nor the remaining pages in a great book waiting to be read.
It is the opening of eyes long closed.
It is the vision of far off things
seen for the silence they hold.
It is the heart after years
of secret conversing
speaking out loud in the clear air.

I listened as if my life depended on it.

-- End of excerpt…

(The Bare Melcessities is available through various retailers including Amazon.com  buy the book.)

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